i found my heart just where i left it.

but i can't go back now. things have changed and you have changed and i don't know if our souls can fit together in this large puzzle. i know our bodies, our forms, always will be able to coincide, but the pictures just don't match. we aren't creating the same sort of beauty. we aren't creating anything that looks beautiful without the extended explanation.

the rebel.

i don't even want a rebel.
i like good boys who love their mothers.


my teenage angsty phase only lasted 2 months. 
i guess for those 60 days, i would've been pretty keen for a badass.


but i am all tamed up now.


in other news..how are you? (all 0 people reading this. even one follower is just superfluous)

this new boy.

well, he is kind of sweet. he is the guy i am meant to like. he actually likes me! and my music taste and my opinion on people and my art and just everything. he is lovely. we would be lovely.
i like him. i do. i do (i tell myself).


but.


but the other boy. the other one.
the one i should hate, who still looks at me from time to time.
i want to yell at him. 
and then kiss him all over.

it is such a sad sort of funny.

so much so, that there really isn't anything funny about it. 


how dare we be allowed to love those, who take no note. how dare the boy you love not express his feelings toward you and why does he hide them? is it the reason i hide them? are we scared? or just ignorant to love?


do we love more than once out of greed or out of practicality? do we only move on and seek the new, because the love was unrequited, or can it really lose all heartbeat, becoming limp and as if the flames were never there to begin with.


i do not know.


i do not have the answers.

i fell for you when i was thirteen.

i thought i should tell you.

that i will tell you everything.